Happy Birthday To Me!
I love birthdays. It’s great when close and distant relatives, friends, or colleagues call you to wish you nice things, when they give you interesting presents, and in the evening, when you celebrate the end of the day with the closest of them eating delicious food and drinking your favorite drinks.
But there comes a moment when the years seem to pass to fast and you want to slow them down somehow. Unfortunately, there is no way to do that. There are birthdays in everyone’s lives when you become thoughtful, you take a look at your life that have passed and you try to evaluate it up to that moment – what have you achieved, where have you reached, and where are you going to. To some people it happens on so called “Christ age”. To me it happens much more frequently – say, every four or five years. Maybe it’s just because I am a thoughtful kind of person – I like to think upon Life, Universe and Everything…
Today, I’m getting 39. The last year of my thirties. I have the feeling that it is the last year of my youth. The numbers above 40 have always brought to me a sense of aging although some people say that the forties are the most productive time in one’s life. In my profession, where the average age is 24, the age and experience are not valued too much and many people consider me too old.
I, however, feel very strong and fresh, filled with energy and rich of countless dreams, despite all malevolent people and despite my own fears. After almost 20 years work in the information technology field, new ideas were born inside my head, ideas of career change. Instead of working for a salary I decided to take a chance on my own business. Instead of writing software, I started writing blogs and making presentations. Will I succeed? I don’t know but I feel strong and capable and I have firm belief in myself, in my friends, and in my family, who are standing behind me and are giving me an unconditional support with their faith and love.
The education that my parents and the society where I’ve grown up gave me has always made me look for the security – to get a good degree, which will help me find a good job and a high salary. But what exactly does “a good job” mean? Is it a good job where they make you do things you don’t like or at least are not interesting to you? Is it a good job where the boss yells at you and blames you for all their mistakes? Or it is a good job where you can’t find a way to communicate with your colleagues who secretly backbite you behind your back?
No, I don’t say that it all has happened to me! I don’t say that the jobs I had during all those years were bad! I’ve been working at very many places and everywhere I’ve been I have met people communicating with whom has been a great pleasure to me. I’ve always gotten into places where I have learned a lot not only about the subtleties of the profession but also about the human nature.
My jobs have always been “good” but have never been “good enough”.
Now I am taking on a new road. I want to work what I want, what brings me pleasure and satisfaction. I was asked if I consider making a blogging career. I don’t know how can someone “make a career” with this from Bulgaria. I still don’t know if it can bring me enough income to make a living. I only know that I like it damn much and I can do it well (and I am getting better every day). If I could make a career of being an IT consultant, author, speaker and blogger, one day (let’s hope it will be later) I would die happy.
The astrologers say that there are faithful years in our lives that come over a certain period of time, i.e. during those years significant changes happen to our destiny and our lives take a different direction. Perhaps for me this period is 13 years. Today a huge change is happening to my life. 13 years ago, when I was 26, I founded my first company together with my teacher in programming, my brother and two more colleagues. The feeling of doing what you can do best and what you like to do, of making your own decisions for your job and for your life, is incomparable! At that time we didn’t have a strong sense of insecurity because we were five partners and each of us felt the others’ support.
Unfortunately, we were young and inexperienced – not only in the business but also in the ability to understand each other. Soon the trust among us was broken and we had to separate. I couldn’t get the courage to continue my own business and I started an employee job. And it took 13 years – until now.
I believe something important and faithful had happened also when I was 13 (at least I entered the teenage) but probably because of my age my memories have faded and I cannot recall a significant event from that time.
Today it is different than ever. I am taking on a new road. I am alone but I am much more self-confident. I have a lovely family and loyal friends who, although not helping me directly, are my spiritual support and give me the courage and the strength to continue. Where exactly I will head to? I don’t know. Will I succeed? Nobody can tell. Time will be the only merciless judge who can say if I have succeeded or failed. What I can promise for sure is that 13 years later I will make my balance again and I will share it with you in my “little diary”.
Let’s hope we all be live and healthy until then (and many more years ahead)!